right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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