She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
