dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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