Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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