ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
