I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
