Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
