So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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