we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
