i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
