and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
