Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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