you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
