i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i need to put some appletini on your dick
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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