ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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