so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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