Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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