My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
