My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
