I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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