Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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