just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
