It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
