I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
