i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she smelled like a LAN party
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I want to be your penis for a week.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
