I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think a kid would responsible me up
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
