so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
