You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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