I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
