Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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