It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
