I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
