I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
