I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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