Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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