Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There's always time for handjobs
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
