Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
