Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
