Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
