i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
