I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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