ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
