I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
