Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
