Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
