True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
