Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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