it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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