This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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