Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
