you traded sex for a burrito?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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