But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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