so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
